The Happy Fisherman

The Happy Fisherman

Here's a little story that I got recently from a friend by E-Mail. Hope you enjoy it. Maybe there's something in it for you or someone you know. 

A boat was docked in a tiny Newfoundland fishing village. A tourist from Toronto complimented the Newfie fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them. 

'Not very long,' answered the Newfie. 

'But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?' asked the Torontonian. 

The Newfie explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family. 

The Torontonian asked, 'But what do you do with the rest of your time?' 

'I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take an afternoon nap with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs... I have a full life.' 

The Torontonian interrupted, 'I have an MBA from Queen's University and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat.' 

'And after that?' asked the Newfie. 

'With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to St John's, Halifax , or even Toronto ! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise.' 

'How long would that take?' asked the Newfie. 

'Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years,' replied the Torontonian. 

'And after that?' 

'Afterwards? Well my Friend, That's when it gets really interesting,' answered the Torontonian, laughing.. 'When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!' 

'Millions? 

Really? And after that?' said the Newfie. 

'After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take an afternoon nap with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends.' 

And the moral is: Know where you're going in life....... you may already be there! 

Texas good ole boy needed a loan...

His name was Bubba, he was from Texas ... And he needed a loan, So...
He walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan
Officer.

He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an
International redneck festival for two weeks and needed to borrow
$5,000, and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan,
so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was
parked on the street in front of the bank.

The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.

Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh
at the Redneck from the Texas for using a $250,000 Ferrari as
collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the
bank's private underground garage and parked it.

Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the
interest of 23.07. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to
have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very
nicely, but we are a little puzzled.

While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found that you are a distinguished alumni from Texas A & M, a highly sophisticated investor and multi-millionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the world. Your investments include a large number of wind turbines around Sweetwater, Texas. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The good 'ole boy replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my
car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?"

His name was BUBBA.... Keep an eye on those Texas boys!

Just because we talk funny does not mean we are stupid !!!

How A Child Learns

How A Child Learns

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If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, she learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame, she learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement, she learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness, she learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval, she learns to like herself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.
(Dorothy Law Nolte)

He wrote about the sea, but all that came out was a dry desert.

I really have to work on my writing style and technique.  My writing is extremely dry and boring.  I have discovered that I tell too much and show very little.  Additionally, my characters show little of their personality and hardly ever speak.  I find that I narrate my stories almost completely and that is boring.

Having read countless articles and how-to's on this matter.  I think I've the solutions and fixes worked out.  I just need to work them out in my novels.  Presentation and timing in another issue.  In the current novel I'm working on, the main protagonist doesn't even appear until chapter 2.  Chapter one is spent entirely on describing the surroundings and the other characters related to the story.  There isn't even any dialogue until page 7 and that is short.  The dialogue picks up and the balance between narration and dialogue starts forming, but at this point, I have already lost the reader's attention.

I need to rework the beginning of the book.  It must instantly grab and hold the reader's interest.  I feel I did a beautiful job describing the scenery, but I doesn't need to be the first words.  I must rework it elsewhere in the story, So I removed the first two chapters and am starting the book where the action starts.  The characters description and scenery will be gradually worked in throughout the story as needed.

Major changes have already been made in the current Novel.  I changed the main protagonist from being a male to a female.  The story is about a viking slave desiring their freedom.  The character not only gains her freedom but becomes a legendary shield maiden.  There are plot twists, subplots, and turns to make it memorable tale.  I believe it to be a good story, it just needs to be written better.

Thoughts and frustrations from an aspiring writer....

Distracted Writing Nightmare

It is so hard to get any writing done with all the distractions.  The TV in the background, the kids, other gadgets in the background.  Worry about this and worry about that.  What's this kid doing?  What is that kid asking from me.  This kid is bored and just wants some attention.  Can I make them this, can they have some of that.  What do I want for supper, asks the wife.  Am I going to cook this for this holiday.  So and such is doing this at work and I must be informed of it.  What time is it?  I have to pick this kid up from school.  The dog has to be walked....again.  Why are the kids so quiet now, I have to go check on them.  I have to clean this mess up.  Now it's time for me to make a meal already, didn't they just eat?  What is it with this damn phone...  I can't ignore the phone in case it's an emergency. 

I honestly don't know how I get any writing done and definitely know why it takes me forever when I do.  But where do I find the time?  I can't wait until they go to bed.  By time it's bedtime, I am exhausted as well.  Plus I must get up early with them.  So there's no waiting for them to go to bed and writing.  there is no free time during the day, as a child is in need of something every few minutes.  Autistic kids are extremely high maintenance.  There is no where to take them for a short period of time.

So how do I do it?  I am writing this not just to vent....okay, maybe a little.  But I know there are other people out there that have the same sort of problems.

So how do I get any writing done?  I keep my writing program open all day and work on it in between doing this and doing that.  As a "stay at home dad,: you'd think I had all the time int he world to write.  It simply is not true.  Little writing takes place during these periods.  It is done sentence by sentence.  Sneak in a paragraph here and edit another one there.  Then in the evening after dinner, I grab my laptop and go into the room, shutting the door behind me.  My wife is home now and she can deal with the ever needing kids for a couple hours.  They are usually busy with the TV.  But even then, it's no so.  Someone is at the door or in the room every few minutes needing something.  It doesn't matter what I say or ask, whatever it is will only take a minute and it's important.

So I persevere.  Many days, I have the writing program open and write....nothing.  The kids are taken care of, the laundry is done and thank goodness for whomever invented the crockpot, because the roast is on and I don't have to babysit that - although I still have to peel the potatoes and cut french fries for those that won't eat anything else.  I'll get that in a moment.

Never give up...it will happen.  It just won't happen as smoothly and as quickly as I'd like.  But I never give up and write whenever the opportunity presents itself.  That is how I write with all these constant distractions.  It can be done, it's just not very easy.

Fantasy Book May Not Be Appealing to Female Readers.

Just when I think I have neared completion of my historical fantasy novel, I  come to an epiphany that brings it all to a screeching halt.

The book is about a thrall (Viking slave) whom wins his freedom by becoming a hero.  Simple enough.  It's got all the cool stuff: Vikings, axes, zombies (draug), trolls, and strange fey creatures such as gnomes and huldras.  Creatures of Norse mythology with historical realism to the storyline to make the story believable.

So what's the problem?

Although it was completely unintentional, it's a guy kind of book.

And the problem?

Men don't buy books.  Men seldom read, or at least those that do are in the minority as far as readers and book purchasers go. The numbers are undeniable.  On average 67 to 71% of book purchasers are female.  I remember when I was a teen and helping out at my grandparent's bookstore.  Most of the customers were women. When I worked at Bracken Library at Ball State University - most students patronizing the library were in fact women.  The males were there only long enough to get whatever basic research information they needed and left.  The females always stayed longer and along with their books needed for research, also grabbed some personal reading materials.

The story features a male that saves the day surviving the wilderness full of things that want to kill him.  He eventually saves the day by slaying the creature wrecking havoc on his village and is freed.  Not only freed, but recognized as a hero (which jumps to book two of the series).

What's the problem with that?  The problem is that women don't read such books.  It's hard to even get them to watch the Hobbit.

But many women watch "The Vikings"

Yes, because it has a heroine - Lagertha.  Plus half naked muscular viking men helps, but that is a T.V. series.  It's not reading.  If it were in a book series, how many female readers would it have? Few.  It would have as many female fans as the Chronicles of Gor have, which is not many.

I am considering adding a heroine.  It may not be possible,as it may change the entire story.

Just thoughts......

Here are 10 winners from an International Pun Contest:

Here are 10 winners from an International Pun Contest:

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman delivers a set of identical twins and decides to give them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" the friars to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

The Vikings!

The Vikings: The Story of a People by Njord Kane remains on the Best Seller list since its release on Kindle February 11th, 2014.
(Note: you don't need a Kindle to read Kindle books, you can download the app to read on ANY device free - the link for these apps is on every kindle book page.)

This Best Seller is now available in Paperback!!
https://www.createspace.com/4766541

Available on Kindle at:
US http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00IDHHKWI
UK http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00IDHHKWI
CA http://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/B00IDHHKWI
AU https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B00IDHHKWI